New Site.

This site hasn’t been used in a while, but people are still circulating it, so if you want to see some more recent stuff (perhaps in a slightly different style, though it’s the same old me with my same old rants), just go here:

http://keepingthepsychiatristaway.wordpress.com/

Enjoy!

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18 January 2012 at 11:34 pm Leave a comment

Again and Again

There are some things a human should never have to do. And one of them is being ridiculed by his fellow being. I’m not talking about being made fun of by “mates” in school, or “collegues” at work, but being made believe that thay are being helped to “embrace society and technology”, when really, they are being shown to overly-curious tourists who will take pictures of them, and even maybe a monkey, and when they get home, they’ll wonder at the similarity, not only in skin colour, but in actitude. This turists will probably be shown rituals and ceremonies, and they’ll film them, or take pictures of them, and then show those images to their friends and family “safely” at home, and describe the event as simply “unique”.

These ideas and outrages were crossing my head one evening on a boat, on my holidays in Iguazu, Argentina, ot so very long ago. We had crossed to the Paraguay border, and we were being “honoured” by the Guarani population, as they showed out one of their ritual dances.

Now, I ask you: apart from giving some food, and allowing two boys to sell some of the things they made, what benefits did this company, who “kindly” allowed the Guarani to show ritual dances, which would be an honour to watch, if it wasn;t for the fact that they do it every evening for different groups of stupid tourists. And what’s worse, it’s not something you should show to almost everybody. It’s exclusively for their gods, and for them to see. As a non-Jew is not allowed at a Synagogue without permission (or not allowed at all), a non-Guarani should not be allowed at these rituals.

As for the joke the companies make of their  “help”, the Guarani are perfectly capable of growing their own food, and have done so for generations. And, if their problem is that there’s not enough rainforest left, well, the truth is it’s mostly the boat company’s, the tourist’s, mine, and your fault.

It’s preposterous that we should make a show of rituals and traditions. It’s fine if you want to be informed, and if people are truly honoured with being allowed to observe these rituals. Imagine having to show the world your singing in the shower. It’s not a pleasant experience. Just imagine that, and then think of the Guarani on the Paraguay coast having to show the public their “singing in the shower” again, again, again, again…

24 August 2008 at 11:33 pm Leave a comment

The Truth

 When I was younger, I went through a phase where I was friendless. It’s hard for me to accept it, and choose not to speak about it too much. However, the time has come to learn more about me, my attitudes and most importantly, that dreaded time in my life. 

My best (and only friend, although I didn’t know that until later), left for Denmark at the end of year 5, and soon our little group broke apart. I cried days on end, wallowing in self-pity, and being truly disgusting. I made no true friends, and kept myself to myself. It was year 6, a critical academic year, and I did great… academically. I wasn’t going to change school, like many of my peers, but it still WAS an important year.

 

 

I don’t remember much about that year; year and a half. I do remember being very alone, with books and my small room for company. I don’t know why I didn’t try harder. Probably I was too scared, too stupid, too nerdy.

* * *

 Year 7 began very much like Year 6 had been, but now we were one small class, and people began paying attention to me, and I finally began breaking that shell. It was tough, but, with a bit of encouragement, from some very good friends, I finally began to be more integrated in the class.

Of course I made a few enemies, especially a girl who envied me because I tended to beat her academically. However, I was a generally liked, quiet person, who of course, was still quite nerdy. But people accepted that, and even respected me.

The year never finished for me, not properly. My family moved back to Argentina, and a nice “surprise” good-bye party was done… yep, by mistake I spotted it in my Mum’s agenda. Nevertheless, I had a great time, and whenever I go back to those years, I remember three things: one, me sitting by the radiator in winter, pretending tears were dust in my eyes; two, the spiteful girl saying something mean and everyone comforting me; thirdly, the surprise good-bye party and friends who helped me get through the difficult stage, especially after a school trip, when we were very close together.

* * * 

In Argentina, it took me half a year to settle in, but when I did, everything went smoothly… most of the time. Although I’m now back in England, I have good friends over there I keep in touch with.

It wasn’t until later how obvious all my suffering had been, and how much my parents had felt the wall I’d created to shut the world out. Now, they refuse to let me to go out, or to socialize, because they suffered more than I did, in those two years.

This experience has taught me shutting the world is never good, and, although I still hold back, I’m much more open, and I generally try harder. Of course, there’s still a long way to go, and the scars are still there, especially as it happened at quite a young age. Now I’m going onto Year 10, and I’m prepared to make an even bigger effort to make the best of everything, even if I AM still nerdy… which I’m proud of.

* * *

 I guess that’s the whole story. And, although there’s still a long way to go, I’m proud of my future. Amazingly, my increased social life made my grades BETTER because I was happy, and knew no matter what, friends were always there to depend on.

It IS good to review those years. So I guess I have to thank Nickelback’s Photograph for always reminding me of times past, good and bad, England and Argentina, family and friends.

 

9 July 2008 at 7:33 pm 2 comments

24th June 2008

I know I haven’t been too active lately… well, to tell the truth, I haven’t been active AT ALL. This is simply my 5th post of the month. However, I’ve been preoccupied with indecision, friendships, projects, and books… so… here’s an extension:

 

 

Indecision This is closely connected to books, but because I’ll describe them later, I wont touch too much on the subject (to be truthful, I‘m hoping to do a review of them sometime in the future so I wont add that much in this post). Anyway, I’ll be going home for a month or so to visit, and, of course, thoughts of him began to be rekindled, and not I don’t know how I feel… I thought it had ended quite a while ago. If you have no idea, just go to the first posts, and I’m sure you’ll get a good idea what I’m talking about. Anyway, I’ve discovered that just listening to my friends’ relationships and problems, and giving them ideas and advise would be enough to quench my stupid thirst for love. So, sadly, I have turned to books (Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer), and I have been feeding of that… the need to feel love, hope and wanted is a terrible, terrible drug. Anyway, I just feel terrible- in three weeks (a bit less), I’ll be landing in my home city, and not long after that, I’ll be seeing the guy I thought I liked… loved… liked… oh! I don’t know! I guess I loved him, but now it’s just turned to really like, or even simply like. However, as soon as I see him again, I just feel I will melt as I did those many months ago… was it a year? Peculiar. It was a year and three weeks… on the 5th July 2007. I was deep, deep in love then… what if it all restarts?!? I guess I shouldn’t worry so much- what happens happens, and I guess I’ll be escaping back here for a long time after that, so falling again for he wont be a problem- a few tears, a few sleepless nights, but then, love is what I’ve been yearning for… right? 

Update:

 

I took all the posters people made when I left. Fat help. The emptiness reminded me of my own heart. Will I EVER find someone special? Or at least someone to pass the time for a while? I even ripped them all up, pretending I didn’t care. Yeah right, inside, my heart was screaming out “no!”… and now I’m sounding like the true lunatic I am, so I better shut up. 

Friendships:This is a more complicated one, and one I’ll most likely be quite reserved about. Its just another fight, and I’m beginning to wonder if I am TOO quiet and generally reserved about my feelings… I mean, how much does my best friend know about me? We DO fight a lot, in a joking way, and have many smart discussions, but what about those that come from the heart, that help you need from them? I always seem to be helping THEM, but I never go to others for that help… I dunno what to do. 
Projects Why is it that they always land you with some unnecessary project you never finish at the end of the year? Just because they cant think anything better to do. Yep… here’s the long list: Latin (creative writing), Chemistry (plastics), Art (water bottle poster advert and bottle label), Maths (statistics), Physics (radioactivity). I mean, I’m not too sure this is worse than GCSEs!! Oh well… two and a half more weeks, an this will soon be over… this nightmare, this torture… a new one WILL begin, but I swear it cant be worse (oh ok… I already know it IS going to be worse)

 

Books:Ever had a book completely take over you life? Well, you better not have heard about the Twilight series, because they’ll drive you MAD. I cant put them down. There are only four books, I’ve read the first two, and let me tell you they ARE addictive… specially if you are an unloved teenager, who needs some comfort and rejoices knowing about other people’s successful romantic lives while YOU are dying of loneliness inside… ok, maybe its not half as bad. But if ONLY I could see him every day… like I used to… or if I could just convince myself that I did not love him… or strongly liked. Fat chance. Every time I even THINK of him, it all just crashes inside. I’m a terrible mess, and I know it… sadly 

24 June 2008 at 10:35 pm 4 comments

He Loves Me. Not

The reason for the last post over a week ago was that I was thinking of writing a poem and adding it to the end of the post, after I’d found some inspiration. However, dear inspiration never came, until tonight, when suddenly, sitting on the computer, I put my hands on the keyboard, and I wrote, and this is what came out. 🙂

Each time I see him,

My heart skips a beat,

And when he smiles,

I just melt like an ice scream on a hot summer’s day

 

This cannot be.

I cannot continue on like this.

I love him,

But this love causes me too much pain

 

Each time he speaks,

His voice twinkles like shining stars,

And when he laughs,

I just boil like water on the kettle

 

This cannot be.

I cannot continue on like this.

I do love him,

But he has fallen for another

 

Each time he looks my way,

I realise I can’t resist him,

And when he jokes around,

I just die inside like a rose-bud attacked by a canker worm.

 

This cannot be.

I cannot continue on like this.

I do love him,

But he doesn’t even know I exist.

 

The sad truth is that I’m the smart one

And he’s the popular one.

All he does is steal my homework

And give me sweet names to get what he wants.

He likes another,

And she’s a lucky gal,

Because she’s not the only one behind him.

 

The sad truth is that I love him,

But he does not.

All he does is laugh at my goofiness

And smile in my direction for fun.

I can’t hide my feelings,

And he knows so,

So he plays with my heart.

 

The sad truth is he loves me;

He loves me not. Not. Not.

 

 

 http://current.com/items/88493881_death_by_a_broken_heart

19 June 2008 at 9:40 pm 5 comments

Love Poems

Right. I’m back in a love mood. I’m visiting people home, including him, and, after a few months, I started thinking about him again, and wondered if I still feel something for him. Surprisingly, I think I do still like him, a lot, after almost a year, so this “escaping” is NOT working very much… maybe I should try a different method of making him history. Anyways, I started looking at some love poems, and here are a few nice ones which could apply to me:

 

I Love You

My knees start to weaken
At the first sight of your face
My heart starts to melt
At the thought of your embrace

Your love flows through me
Like a river flows down its path
Your kiss lifts me up so high
I could probably fall to my death

 more…

WHAT IS LOVE?

Author: S.E.Thompson

Love starts out small-

Too small to be noticed,

But in the end it conquers all.

 

What begins as a hug between friends
Can grow and grow
Until it’s something beautiful
that never ends.

Love is never sure,
But it trusts,
With a faith that is sweet and pure.

more…

11 June 2008 at 9:29 pm 2 comments

Lunatic!

After writing this, I even accept to myself I need some sort of pshycologist (some time or other I WILL write about why psycologists are a terrible waste of time) . Anyway, I thought of this “short story” as I was walking home on a nice, sunny evening, and well, I just had to write it down :–) In case you are to thick to realize, the last paragraph is the same as the 2nd… no, it wasn’t a mistake- it was done pupusefully. It’s to indicate continuance… a luncatic has  no limits, and, even though they don’t seem it, almost everyone could be a luncatic.

 

A spine-chilling cry sounds through the air. It ripples across the whole neighbourhood, and it startles every person.

 

A child playing with her dolls begins crying without reason, and cannot stop. A pregnant mother begins to go to labour months early. An aged man, resting in the sun, has a heart attack and does not awake. A fast-paced businessman hurrying home stops short and begins running. A bunch of teenagers taking drugs in the park drop them, flee, and never return. A shoe-shop keeper faints.

 

The only person who realises what just happened was a butcher. He’s already heard this sound. It is the sound of an animal’s guts being ripped from their bodies. Only this is not any animal. This is a human. He is shaken, but he is too late.

 

Someone stands at his door, grinning. Closing his eyes, he hopes the gut-ripping lunatic would be found some day, although it is doubtful. He is a respectful person in the community. With an agonising scream, which ripples across the whole neighbourhood, his guts are ripped out.

 

A child playing with her dolls begins crying without reason, and cannot stop. A pregnant mother begins to go to labour months early. An aged man, resting in the sun, has a heart attack and does not awake. A fast-paced businessman hurrying home stops short and begins running. A bunch of teenagers taking drugs in the park drop them, flee, and never return. A shoe-shop keeper faints.

11 June 2008 at 9:01 pm 1 comment

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