Archive for July, 2008

The Truth

 When I was younger, I went through a phase where I was friendless. It’s hard for me to accept it, and choose not to speak about it too much. However, the time has come to learn more about me, my attitudes and most importantly, that dreaded time in my life. 

My best (and only friend, although I didn’t know that until later), left for Denmark at the end of year 5, and soon our little group broke apart. I cried days on end, wallowing in self-pity, and being truly disgusting. I made no true friends, and kept myself to myself. It was year 6, a critical academic year, and I did great… academically. I wasn’t going to change school, like many of my peers, but it still WAS an important year.

 

 

I don’t remember much about that year; year and a half. I do remember being very alone, with books and my small room for company. I don’t know why I didn’t try harder. Probably I was too scared, too stupid, too nerdy.

* * *

 Year 7 began very much like Year 6 had been, but now we were one small class, and people began paying attention to me, and I finally began breaking that shell. It was tough, but, with a bit of encouragement, from some very good friends, I finally began to be more integrated in the class.

Of course I made a few enemies, especially a girl who envied me because I tended to beat her academically. However, I was a generally liked, quiet person, who of course, was still quite nerdy. But people accepted that, and even respected me.

The year never finished for me, not properly. My family moved back to Argentina, and a nice “surprise” good-bye party was done… yep, by mistake I spotted it in my Mum’s agenda. Nevertheless, I had a great time, and whenever I go back to those years, I remember three things: one, me sitting by the radiator in winter, pretending tears were dust in my eyes; two, the spiteful girl saying something mean and everyone comforting me; thirdly, the surprise good-bye party and friends who helped me get through the difficult stage, especially after a school trip, when we were very close together.

* * * 

In Argentina, it took me half a year to settle in, but when I did, everything went smoothly… most of the time. Although I’m now back in England, I have good friends over there I keep in touch with.

It wasn’t until later how obvious all my suffering had been, and how much my parents had felt the wall I’d created to shut the world out. Now, they refuse to let me to go out, or to socialize, because they suffered more than I did, in those two years.

This experience has taught me shutting the world is never good, and, although I still hold back, I’m much more open, and I generally try harder. Of course, there’s still a long way to go, and the scars are still there, especially as it happened at quite a young age. Now I’m going onto Year 10, and I’m prepared to make an even bigger effort to make the best of everything, even if I AM still nerdy… which I’m proud of.

* * *

 I guess that’s the whole story. And, although there’s still a long way to go, I’m proud of my future. Amazingly, my increased social life made my grades BETTER because I was happy, and knew no matter what, friends were always there to depend on.

It IS good to review those years. So I guess I have to thank Nickelback’s Photograph for always reminding me of times past, good and bad, England and Argentina, family and friends.

 

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9 July 2008 at 7:33 pm 2 comments


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