Posts filed under ‘love’

24th June 2008

I know I haven’t been too active lately… well, to tell the truth, I haven’t been active AT ALL. This is simply my 5th post of the month. However, I’ve been preoccupied with indecision, friendships, projects, and books… so… here’s an extension:



Indecision This is closely connected to books, but because I’ll describe them later, I wont touch too much on the subject (to be truthful, I‘m hoping to do a review of them sometime in the future so I wont add that much in this post). Anyway, I’ll be going home for a month or so to visit, and, of course, thoughts of him began to be rekindled, and not I don’t know how I feel… I thought it had ended quite a while ago. If you have no idea, just go to the first posts, and I’m sure you’ll get a good idea what I’m talking about. Anyway, I’ve discovered that just listening to my friends’ relationships and problems, and giving them ideas and advise would be enough to quench my stupid thirst for love. So, sadly, I have turned to books (Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer), and I have been feeding of that… the need to feel love, hope and wanted is a terrible, terrible drug. Anyway, I just feel terrible- in three weeks (a bit less), I’ll be landing in my home city, and not long after that, I’ll be seeing the guy I thought I liked… loved… liked… oh! I don’t know! I guess I loved him, but now it’s just turned to really like, or even simply like. However, as soon as I see him again, I just feel I will melt as I did those many months ago… was it a year? Peculiar. It was a year and three weeks… on the 5th July 2007. I was deep, deep in love then… what if it all restarts?!? I guess I shouldn’t worry so much- what happens happens, and I guess I’ll be escaping back here for a long time after that, so falling again for he wont be a problem- a few tears, a few sleepless nights, but then, love is what I’ve been yearning for… right? 



I took all the posters people made when I left. Fat help. The emptiness reminded me of my own heart. Will I EVER find someone special? Or at least someone to pass the time for a while? I even ripped them all up, pretending I didn’t care. Yeah right, inside, my heart was screaming out “no!”… and now I’m sounding like the true lunatic I am, so I better shut up. 

Friendships:This is a more complicated one, and one I’ll most likely be quite reserved about. Its just another fight, and I’m beginning to wonder if I am TOO quiet and generally reserved about my feelings… I mean, how much does my best friend know about me? We DO fight a lot, in a joking way, and have many smart discussions, but what about those that come from the heart, that help you need from them? I always seem to be helping THEM, but I never go to others for that help… I dunno what to do. 
Projects Why is it that they always land you with some unnecessary project you never finish at the end of the year? Just because they cant think anything better to do. Yep… here’s the long list: Latin (creative writing), Chemistry (plastics), Art (water bottle poster advert and bottle label), Maths (statistics), Physics (radioactivity). I mean, I’m not too sure this is worse than GCSEs!! Oh well… two and a half more weeks, an this will soon be over… this nightmare, this torture… a new one WILL begin, but I swear it cant be worse (oh ok… I already know it IS going to be worse)


Books:Ever had a book completely take over you life? Well, you better not have heard about the Twilight series, because they’ll drive you MAD. I cant put them down. There are only four books, I’ve read the first two, and let me tell you they ARE addictive… specially if you are an unloved teenager, who needs some comfort and rejoices knowing about other people’s successful romantic lives while YOU are dying of loneliness inside… ok, maybe its not half as bad. But if ONLY I could see him every day… like I used to… or if I could just convince myself that I did not love him… or strongly liked. Fat chance. Every time I even THINK of him, it all just crashes inside. I’m a terrible mess, and I know it… sadly 


24 June 2008 at 10:35 pm 4 comments

He Loves Me. Not

The reason for the last post over a week ago was that I was thinking of writing a poem and adding it to the end of the post, after I’d found some inspiration. However, dear inspiration never came, until tonight, when suddenly, sitting on the computer, I put my hands on the keyboard, and I wrote, and this is what came out. 🙂

Each time I see him,

My heart skips a beat,

And when he smiles,

I just melt like an ice scream on a hot summer’s day


This cannot be.

I cannot continue on like this.

I love him,

But this love causes me too much pain


Each time he speaks,

His voice twinkles like shining stars,

And when he laughs,

I just boil like water on the kettle


This cannot be.

I cannot continue on like this.

I do love him,

But he has fallen for another


Each time he looks my way,

I realise I can’t resist him,

And when he jokes around,

I just die inside like a rose-bud attacked by a canker worm.


This cannot be.

I cannot continue on like this.

I do love him,

But he doesn’t even know I exist.


The sad truth is that I’m the smart one

And he’s the popular one.

All he does is steal my homework

And give me sweet names to get what he wants.

He likes another,

And she’s a lucky gal,

Because she’s not the only one behind him.


The sad truth is that I love him,

But he does not.

All he does is laugh at my goofiness

And smile in my direction for fun.

I can’t hide my feelings,

And he knows so,

So he plays with my heart.


The sad truth is he loves me;

He loves me not. Not. Not.

19 June 2008 at 9:40 pm 5 comments

Love Poems

Right. I’m back in a love mood. I’m visiting people home, including him, and, after a few months, I started thinking about him again, and wondered if I still feel something for him. Surprisingly, I think I do still like him, a lot, after almost a year, so this “escaping” is NOT working very much… maybe I should try a different method of making him history. Anyways, I started looking at some love poems, and here are a few nice ones which could apply to me:


I Love You

My knees start to weaken
At the first sight of your face
My heart starts to melt
At the thought of your embrace

Your love flows through me
Like a river flows down its path
Your kiss lifts me up so high
I could probably fall to my death



Author: S.E.Thompson

Love starts out small-

Too small to be noticed,

But in the end it conquers all.


What begins as a hug between friends
Can grow and grow
Until it’s something beautiful
that never ends.

Love is never sure,
But it trusts,
With a faith that is sweet and pure.


11 June 2008 at 9:29 pm 2 comments

8th June 2008

I a month’s time, I’m going to my home country to visit some family and friends. It’s been just under a year since I left, and it will be a yearn then. I’m just mad I’m even here in the firsst place. Oh well! I’ll just have to wait until decide for myself in any case. I cant wait for the day My parents wont drag me in anything they deicde do.


However, my parents have nothing to do with my worries at the moment. I know if I see him, something inside of me will be awakened. And that something will start thumping. But it can’t. I’ve spent so long trying to forget him, and the feelings I used to have for  him. For the past half year or so, I didn’t write a single love post, and here I am, mourning for an unreturned “love” which hasn’t even been ravived… or did it ever die? This is really confusing and hurting.


Let’s go back to the past, so I can think more clearly. It began two… no 2 and a half years ago. It was the end of the school year, so it was easy to forget him over the summer holidays, when I really didn’t see him. But then, a month or so after school began, I found myself very good friends with him, and thus, I fell ofr him again. Let’s make this clear: no way I’m saying love. I’m far to young to know what love is. Anyway, that fire was re-kildled, and it went strong till I moved again. Then, it took about half a year, but I’m still not sure if it has escaped me alltogehter. But when he’s the most popular guy, and you are just “the smart, spaz kid with the dorky teeth”, alll he could ever be is my friend, and I would be lucky enough to call him friend.


Even thinking about it makes my heart beat faster. I want to see him, but I also desperately need to avoid him… if only this were a movie! But then, I dispise movies with a happy ending. At least if he felt something towards me… if I at least could be home every day, and see him in school, but oh no! My parents drag me along in every mess they decide to get themselves in :–(


I’d better stop thinking about this, before I burst into pitiful, weak tears

8 June 2008 at 10:33 pm 2 comments

5th July 2007


Yes, I saw him, and I can say it was beautiful. I was chatting with friends, and then, I sqaw him standing there, on the door way, and I realised I had never been so much in love. And when he said my name, all I could utter was hi. But it was a hi that came from my heart, filled with love. And when we drew closer, our cheeks touched, and even though it hurt a bit, I felt my stomach lurch down, but it was really me who was lifted up. I touched the sky!! Then, in those brief seconds, I was in heaven, so happy, so peaceful. And it was the best thing of my life. And when I turned away, I saw her, my best friend, as she tried not to smile. And I came down to earth again, but she had seen it all. She saw my shinig eyes, she saw my happiness, and was completly assured that I love him. Luckily, she said nothing, just looked at me with a mixture of triumph and happiness, because I guess she thinks we make a perfect couple. Pity she doesn’t know that it’s impossible.

6 July 2007 at 3:07 pm 2 comments

The other face of love.

I know many of you think me a pessimis by now. For many of you, love for me seems useless, but the truth is, it’s the most important thing of all. That’s why I try to hide it, that’s whyI try to escape from it. And love isn’t always the most terrible thing of all. Some love stories end well. Some don’t. Love adores coincidences, it likes stories of amazing, and almost unbelievable things to make those of us not so lucky dream. I can tell you a couple of those stories.

She was fifteen when she met him. He was her tutor, a few years older, because she was having problems with some subjects in school. They started going out, they fell in love and married. Now they have children, and they’ve been married for around 50 years. They have a stationary shop, and are a very happy couple.

She was in first grade, and he was in seventh grade. He was her prefect, and she tormented him, by bothering him. Then, many years later, he was in a chatroom, when he met a woman that had been to his same school. They passed e-mails, and started chatting. She knew who he was, but he didn’t know who she was. Then, at last, she told him, and started going out. And like a good love story, she was the first former who used to bother him, and they married. They’ve been living three wonderful years together.

I wish something like that would happen to me someday. Hopefully this saturday, because we’re going to the cinema, but otherwise, I really don’t mind. I just want him to know I love him, but I don’t know how to tell him. Someday he’ll find out; I’ve got a feeling he will… I hope he will.

Love doesn’t have to end badly, but many times it does…

13 June 2007 at 9:44 pm 1 comment


Marriage is the most wonderful thing of all, to be untied with someone you love deeply for life, to raise kids and to die by their side? Is it really so? Of course not. Everyone knows that’s just a view for five-year-olds or dreamers. We all know real life is much different: most couples end up divorced, for some reason or other, and their love ends almost instantly. And on top of everything else, they go and marry again.

It all starts happily, with a vow to living with each other for ever and ever, then continues with their first children, then it all starts getting worse with finantial problems, how to raise kids, that love is fading.

What is to happen but a divorce? Something both parents think is better for their kids and overall lives. But then they find it hard coping with sleeping alone in the bed, they find it difficult sharing kids, they find annoying all the legals things, they find it complicated coping with unhappy children. So what do they do? They look for another partner, be it a blonde woman twenty years younger, or be it a cute, sweet guy. And they’ll try again.

The children will also be very unhappy. It’s the most difficult part of all divorces. I’m not sayiyng it because I experienced it; my parents are still in the child-making section of it all. No. I’ve got the account from my friend who experienced it rather reacently.

Unhappy marriages isn’t something new. It’s been something occuring from the beginning of time, but divorce, for common use, is something rather new, so they have at last found a solution to their unhappiness. But I ask: What kind of solution is that of a bussy life from realationship to realationship? It’s just a vicious cycle, going on and on aimlessly.

11 June 2007 at 10:08 pm

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