Posts filed under ‘Reflection’

Again and Again

There are some things a human should never have to do. And one of them is being ridiculed by his fellow being. I’m not talking about being made fun of by “mates” in school, or “collegues” at work, but being made believe that thay are being helped to “embrace society and technology”, when really, they are being shown to overly-curious tourists who will take pictures of them, and even maybe a monkey, and when they get home, they’ll wonder at the similarity, not only in skin colour, but in actitude. This turists will probably be shown rituals and ceremonies, and they’ll film them, or take pictures of them, and then show those images to their friends and family “safely” at home, and describe the event as simply “unique”.

These ideas and outrages were crossing my head one evening on a boat, on my holidays in Iguazu, Argentina, ot so very long ago. We had crossed to the Paraguay border, and we were being “honoured” by the Guarani population, as they showed out one of their ritual dances.

Now, I ask you: apart from giving some food, and allowing two boys to sell some of the things they made, what benefits did this company, who “kindly” allowed the Guarani to show ritual dances, which would be an honour to watch, if it wasn;t for the fact that they do it every evening for different groups of stupid tourists. And what’s worse, it’s not something you should show to almost everybody. It’s exclusively for their gods, and for them to see. As a non-Jew is not allowed at a Synagogue without permission (or not allowed at all), a non-Guarani should not be allowed at these rituals.

As for the joke the companies make of their  “help”, the Guarani are perfectly capable of growing their own food, and have done so for generations. And, if their problem is that there’s not enough rainforest left, well, the truth is it’s mostly the boat company’s, the tourist’s, mine, and your fault.

It’s preposterous that we should make a show of rituals and traditions. It’s fine if you want to be informed, and if people are truly honoured with being allowed to observe these rituals. Imagine having to show the world your singing in the shower. It’s not a pleasant experience. Just imagine that, and then think of the Guarani on the Paraguay coast having to show the public their “singing in the shower” again, again, again, again…


24 August 2008 at 11:33 pm Leave a comment

The Truth

 When I was younger, I went through a phase where I was friendless. It’s hard for me to accept it, and choose not to speak about it too much. However, the time has come to learn more about me, my attitudes and most importantly, that dreaded time in my life. 

My best (and only friend, although I didn’t know that until later), left for Denmark at the end of year 5, and soon our little group broke apart. I cried days on end, wallowing in self-pity, and being truly disgusting. I made no true friends, and kept myself to myself. It was year 6, a critical academic year, and I did great… academically. I wasn’t going to change school, like many of my peers, but it still WAS an important year.



I don’t remember much about that year; year and a half. I do remember being very alone, with books and my small room for company. I don’t know why I didn’t try harder. Probably I was too scared, too stupid, too nerdy.

* * *

 Year 7 began very much like Year 6 had been, but now we were one small class, and people began paying attention to me, and I finally began breaking that shell. It was tough, but, with a bit of encouragement, from some very good friends, I finally began to be more integrated in the class.

Of course I made a few enemies, especially a girl who envied me because I tended to beat her academically. However, I was a generally liked, quiet person, who of course, was still quite nerdy. But people accepted that, and even respected me.

The year never finished for me, not properly. My family moved back to Argentina, and a nice “surprise” good-bye party was done… yep, by mistake I spotted it in my Mum’s agenda. Nevertheless, I had a great time, and whenever I go back to those years, I remember three things: one, me sitting by the radiator in winter, pretending tears were dust in my eyes; two, the spiteful girl saying something mean and everyone comforting me; thirdly, the surprise good-bye party and friends who helped me get through the difficult stage, especially after a school trip, when we were very close together.

* * * 

In Argentina, it took me half a year to settle in, but when I did, everything went smoothly… most of the time. Although I’m now back in England, I have good friends over there I keep in touch with.

It wasn’t until later how obvious all my suffering had been, and how much my parents had felt the wall I’d created to shut the world out. Now, they refuse to let me to go out, or to socialize, because they suffered more than I did, in those two years.

This experience has taught me shutting the world is never good, and, although I still hold back, I’m much more open, and I generally try harder. Of course, there’s still a long way to go, and the scars are still there, especially as it happened at quite a young age. Now I’m going onto Year 10, and I’m prepared to make an even bigger effort to make the best of everything, even if I AM still nerdy… which I’m proud of.

* * *

 I guess that’s the whole story. And, although there’s still a long way to go, I’m proud of my future. Amazingly, my increased social life made my grades BETTER because I was happy, and knew no matter what, friends were always there to depend on.

It IS good to review those years. So I guess I have to thank Nickelback’s Photograph for always reminding me of times past, good and bad, England and Argentina, family and friends.


9 July 2008 at 7:33 pm 2 comments

24th June 2008

I know I haven’t been too active lately… well, to tell the truth, I haven’t been active AT ALL. This is simply my 5th post of the month. However, I’ve been preoccupied with indecision, friendships, projects, and books… so… here’s an extension:



Indecision This is closely connected to books, but because I’ll describe them later, I wont touch too much on the subject (to be truthful, I‘m hoping to do a review of them sometime in the future so I wont add that much in this post). Anyway, I’ll be going home for a month or so to visit, and, of course, thoughts of him began to be rekindled, and not I don’t know how I feel… I thought it had ended quite a while ago. If you have no idea, just go to the first posts, and I’m sure you’ll get a good idea what I’m talking about. Anyway, I’ve discovered that just listening to my friends’ relationships and problems, and giving them ideas and advise would be enough to quench my stupid thirst for love. So, sadly, I have turned to books (Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer), and I have been feeding of that… the need to feel love, hope and wanted is a terrible, terrible drug. Anyway, I just feel terrible- in three weeks (a bit less), I’ll be landing in my home city, and not long after that, I’ll be seeing the guy I thought I liked… loved… liked… oh! I don’t know! I guess I loved him, but now it’s just turned to really like, or even simply like. However, as soon as I see him again, I just feel I will melt as I did those many months ago… was it a year? Peculiar. It was a year and three weeks… on the 5th July 2007. I was deep, deep in love then… what if it all restarts?!? I guess I shouldn’t worry so much- what happens happens, and I guess I’ll be escaping back here for a long time after that, so falling again for he wont be a problem- a few tears, a few sleepless nights, but then, love is what I’ve been yearning for… right? 



I took all the posters people made when I left. Fat help. The emptiness reminded me of my own heart. Will I EVER find someone special? Or at least someone to pass the time for a while? I even ripped them all up, pretending I didn’t care. Yeah right, inside, my heart was screaming out “no!”… and now I’m sounding like the true lunatic I am, so I better shut up. 

Friendships:This is a more complicated one, and one I’ll most likely be quite reserved about. Its just another fight, and I’m beginning to wonder if I am TOO quiet and generally reserved about my feelings… I mean, how much does my best friend know about me? We DO fight a lot, in a joking way, and have many smart discussions, but what about those that come from the heart, that help you need from them? I always seem to be helping THEM, but I never go to others for that help… I dunno what to do. 
Projects Why is it that they always land you with some unnecessary project you never finish at the end of the year? Just because they cant think anything better to do. Yep… here’s the long list: Latin (creative writing), Chemistry (plastics), Art (water bottle poster advert and bottle label), Maths (statistics), Physics (radioactivity). I mean, I’m not too sure this is worse than GCSEs!! Oh well… two and a half more weeks, an this will soon be over… this nightmare, this torture… a new one WILL begin, but I swear it cant be worse (oh ok… I already know it IS going to be worse)


Books:Ever had a book completely take over you life? Well, you better not have heard about the Twilight series, because they’ll drive you MAD. I cant put them down. There are only four books, I’ve read the first two, and let me tell you they ARE addictive… specially if you are an unloved teenager, who needs some comfort and rejoices knowing about other people’s successful romantic lives while YOU are dying of loneliness inside… ok, maybe its not half as bad. But if ONLY I could see him every day… like I used to… or if I could just convince myself that I did not love him… or strongly liked. Fat chance. Every time I even THINK of him, it all just crashes inside. I’m a terrible mess, and I know it… sadly 

24 June 2008 at 10:35 pm 4 comments

Love Poems

Right. I’m back in a love mood. I’m visiting people home, including him, and, after a few months, I started thinking about him again, and wondered if I still feel something for him. Surprisingly, I think I do still like him, a lot, after almost a year, so this “escaping” is NOT working very much… maybe I should try a different method of making him history. Anyways, I started looking at some love poems, and here are a few nice ones which could apply to me:


I Love You

My knees start to weaken
At the first sight of your face
My heart starts to melt
At the thought of your embrace

Your love flows through me
Like a river flows down its path
Your kiss lifts me up so high
I could probably fall to my death



Author: S.E.Thompson

Love starts out small-

Too small to be noticed,

But in the end it conquers all.


What begins as a hug between friends
Can grow and grow
Until it’s something beautiful
that never ends.

Love is never sure,
But it trusts,
With a faith that is sweet and pure.


11 June 2008 at 9:29 pm 2 comments

Human Experimenting

I’ve been having a lot on my mind lately (a couple of GCSEs, internal exams, revision, etc.), but I had to take twenty minutes of my overly-occupied life. And it all began with some crazy scientist wanting to “save millions of lives” by experimenting on “humans that aren’t really human, so they can be killed anyway”. Well, I wish I could say humanity triumphed, but I’m afraid it didn’t. Click here  for more information.

So, now comes my terribly angry complaint against working on innocent human beings, who ARE alive, and have the potential to grow into a successful, friendly adult. Just because he/she doesn’t have the opinion on what is done, on what DNA research has to be done on a developing, innocent human, doesn’t mean we can take advantage of him/her!!

This is getting quite emotional, but what I mean to say with this is that, even though DNA, neurology, and all that is still quite unknown about us, and the rest of the world/universe, fascinate me, I’m not prepared to kill embryos, human beings, for advances in science… I think this time science has gone too far.

Next time you look at your friend, or your next door neighbour think what would have happened if they had just been lab material. I think science is great. It has done a lot for people, and managed to save millions of lives. However, so many people are against animal testing (which I don’t care as much, sadly)… then how come this bill was passed? Should the EU, which BANS animal testing, not ban HUMAN testing as well? Isn’t it against moral issues? Some may say that it’s not yet a human being… fine. Next time you, or someone dear to you gets pregnant, or has a child, imagine if he/she had been killed, or even been simple “lab stuff”. THEN we’ll talk.

Oh well. Just had to get my anger, disappointment, and hurt out of me somehow… it’s just painful to think that live people should be tested on. But I guess I’m young, and unknowing. 😥

19 May 2008 at 9:42 pm Leave a comment

Burma and Tents

It’s been quite a while since I written, and I know- I’ve had a lot of things in my mind, and many ideas for the blog, just not enough time to execute them. So hopefully, after exams are over in a month or so, I can start writing more regularly!

It’s truly quite surprising to see how, in difficult times, the world seems to unite, like it should at all times, and fight against the natural evils of this world. This actually came to me, as I reflected on the cyclone in Myanmar (Burma), which I’m sure everyone’s heard of. Whether it’s Google, the DEC, the radio (well, ads on it, anyway), or any other type of organization, media, etc., most countries are willing to help. And what is more stupid than a country which doesn’t want to help itself and its people? When the world is ready to give aid, why stop it?

On other matters, after some extent of thinking, a phrase popped up into my mind:

“Build your own tent, or when it collapses, you wont know how to rebuild it”

I think I invented it, or I might have heard it somewhere else, (I probably invented it), but basically, it was based on a friend, but she really shouldn’t know this. Thing is, when one doesn’t build one’s own, strong base, then, when you start adding things on top, which aren’t probably very strong either, the tower becomes wobbly, and everything falls everywhere. Now, add on top of that wobbly tower, a person who is constructing it of you. Say that person is guiding your every step- you couldn’t live without that person. Yep… if that person leaves, disappears from you life, then what are you going to do when that tower/tent collapses? Get another builder who is going to create ANOTHER wobbly tower, or have a go yourself, creating a strong base, so you can start adding height, AFTER you are sure the whole base is safe? I’ll say no more- my point is made…

I might add some more phrases like these I made up, some time

11 May 2008 at 9:33 pm Leave a comment

21st April

History, Georgraphy, and R.E. are the three humanitarian subjects. Which means, the subjects for discussion and contradicion. SO we were doing Geography, and the EU came up. And, as every young, strong and opinionated person, I have a very strong views on things in general, so here’s my slightly naive opinion on the EU and the UK:

Even though the UK has lost all its identity, it had no other choice. In the past, the UK was a leading nation: it was one of the industrial and agricultural revolution’s leading countries; it had vast amount of land in colonies; even though it was a tiny island, it was considered one of the most powerful nations. However, things are changing now, and the UK has found itself weak. With hardly any colonies left, the UK is a declining nation. The British aren’t proud to be British any more; their cold land is barren, and all the British can do is complain about how the immigrants don’t learn their language, and they “steal” everything (jobs, material things, etc.). Therefore, the UK need support; it wants to be heard, it wants to be protected. China, USA, and such countries are growing in strength. It seems ironic how its own colonies now have more power. Ironic how the UK is determined to keep in good terms with the USA, a country they once ruled over. Europe isn’t the centre of the world any more. So they have to stick together to survive, to be heard. They are not the only ones with the need to survive, however. Many countries, for example, in South America, and in North America, have created similar communities for trade, survival, and strength.

21 April 2008 at 9:38 pm 1 comment

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